When I was a child, the distant land of adulthood was one filled with freedom and money and the ability to do whatever I wanted – no school or having to follow other peoples’ orders.
The reality is not so far removed from that utopia, but just far enough removed that it is giving me heart palpitations due to the uncertainty of the future. I’m not quite sure why I’m broadcasting this to the world online, however I can’t imagine that too many people will read this, and anyways, it is somewhat freeing to just write without repercussion.
For as long as I’ve planned my future, I smugly envisioned it turning out one way. I would finish uni, pursue further studies, swan into Career A, rise to the top and have a successful and dreamy life. Turns out, I am exceedingly undecided about Career A. Whilst planning for its schooling, I became anxious and nervous…are those feelings one should associate with their future career? I think not. However, it is difficult to tell if those feelings are due to fear of the challenge, or the lack of desire to take up the task.
Right about the time I was to prepare to delve into the world of Career A, I became deeply passionate about Field B (really, there shouldn’t be too many guesses as to what this is). You’ll note the distinction with the words I used – Career vs. Field. I distinguished between the two very deliberately because I love Field B wholeheartedly, but I do not yet know how to transform that into a career. I want to figure out a way to merge my creative and academic sides, in order to fulfill both aspects of myself. I don’t merely want to indulge my creativity through hobbies, rather I want that ideal – where I love what I do and I do what I love.
Is that naive of me? Probably. As a 90s baby, I have been utterly spoiled in terms of the expectations of the real world. Therefore the knowledge that the world is cutthroat and competitive is slightly daunting.
This little rant does not really have a conclusion…I’m just trying to work things out in my head and justify them on paper. All my little smug prior conceptions of the world have been turned on their heads and it is a very strange world I inhabit right now. Hopefully I make sense of it soon. I don’t think I’m the only one in this quandry…but in my head it feels like I’m more confused than most.
Maybe if I get a hair cut my brain will have more room to breathe? What do you think?